we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there is puke in my bra ... again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
