just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
