I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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