I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
