i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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