pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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