I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
