Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
