Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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