im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
