There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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