no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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