Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
