Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
