You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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