woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize