she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
