It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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