I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
