Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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