Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
