Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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