Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
