I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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