I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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