Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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