I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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