I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
