it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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