opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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