mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
