your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
