i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
