Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
