I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
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Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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