I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
