dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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