Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My dad just said "fuck circus"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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