I think my fart just growled at me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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