GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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