oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
