will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
being pregnant is like rehab
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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