Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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