i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
