where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
