I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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