tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize