Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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