I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
