Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
