My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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