He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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