im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
