Moan for me like Helen Keller
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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