dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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