I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize