I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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