I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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