Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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